well, I'm back. I'd like to apologize about a couple of things.

(copy paste begins here)

(This was originally a response to getting banned off of Art Fight, sending a bunch of ban appeals, getting impatient, saying something I regret saying, and getting responses (a year later) saying the appeals have been rejected)

CW: mention of fetishes

Hi, I'm the "characters with really big hands and feet and no shoes" guy BreakTargets aka Yumetaro92, who got banned (unfairly, felt like) from Art Fight for unrelated "foot fetish" art (read: obscure fanart of characters with oversized feet) on another site. I apologized and deleted the work (and the apology, whoops) but couldn't apologize to the creators of the thing I drew fanart of because they haven't been online in a long time, and also it didn't mention WHAT it was, it was a vague "drew foot fetish artwork of characters off site without their owner's consent" without mentioning the work and also mentioned "minors" again, also without reference. I removed all of it because I was honestly ashamed of it all... but it wasn't enough.

Earlier this year (and last year), I sent a bunch of apologies to people I offended, as well as sent ban appeals to the site, mentioning that I didn't want to to participate in an event again until I overhauled my characters (and to just browse, which I didn't mention) but I just got an email (well, a bunch of emails back) saying that they denied them all and I had to wait a year to re-appeal. Well... honestly, I'm sorry for being extremely impatient and sending a bunch of appeals and my attitude when I did so (and gave up). I was in extreme panic mode, and it was really hard to change my non-Art Fight art style since I use it as a practice to draw "normally". As tempting as it was to do illegal things (make another account while it was banned just to browse), I ended up not doing it.

I ended up deleting my presence and changed my name to Yumetaro92 (which I used as a backup on other sites) as a way to distance myself from the bullshit I did, and now after forgeting that I did so, I drew fanart of someone's OC, did my art style thing again on it, panicked and made a different version of my recent thing.

Before I redrew it, I remembered a thing from LVArts on Twitter (both his and my account there are now locked, because of you-know-who) when I apologized to him, saying that I had to "draw them the way they want to be drawn" and then... I proceeded to purge my art more, vowing to change all my characters' designs and make more without this quirk, and to just never do this "oversized hands/feet and no shoes" thing ever again... well, I might do some big hands/feet stuff but not as big as I used to do, and some shoeless character stuff since I'm practicing drawing shoes and "simple" feet (and keep them separate, i.e. drawing characters with big footwear) yet I find drawing bare feet more comfortable than shoes.

And to reiterate: I DO NOT AND WILL NOT DO "ACTUAL" FOOT FETISH STUFF, examples of which I will not go into here.

To all the Art Fight highers-up who may or may not be viewing this... I'm sorry for all my art, for my attitude/impatience involving ban appeals, and I promise I will overhaul my art style to never have this quirk again. Here's hoping I improve in a year.

I'm intending to use this as a bargaining chip (thanks Elio for having that be my echolalia phrase of the week) for my next appeal, and... yes, I'm aware I have mental problems and I know that they aren't an excuse for what I've done. And even then... my mind is still distancing "oversized body parts" with "fetish" because people see it as such, but I've been insisting that it's not sexual... but I have to learn that it is and people might not like it if I post stuff like this in public.

And also as tempting as it is to break my year-long wait and send another ban appeal now, I won't. I'll probably join the Art Fight discord, and post this and have some help with changing my art style and improving myself (even though I might get banned for even mentioning this). I'll start with improving all my characters by just removing my quirks (even though some might still have them, just not as much as I did.)

I learned that characters aren't just oversized body parts and shoeless characters and other character design bullshit, it's actually having a backstory and a personality that makes a character. Even though I'm truly bad at everything. Even though…

…you really want me to say it? Fine...

The only reason I started drawing (back in early 2012) was because I just wanted to draw obscure fanart and certain things in a certain way (without shoes) and honestly? That's all I ever cared about when I was drawing. I joined Art Fight to draw my friends' characters and see new designs and draw them, but... the fact that my characters had this quirk still makes me believe that other people think I'm sexually attractive to art. I'm not. I'm just doing this because I have nothing else to do.

If you just want me to draw stuff "normally" you just had to ask. And if you don't want me lurking in the Art Fight Discord waiting for a DM to never come then you can talk to me about it elsewhere.

But yeah. I'm truly sorry to everyone I drew art for and commissioned people about, and everyone else who got alienated from seeing oversized hands/feet and no footwear on characters. And also I'm sorry about my attitude when talking to people (and in general). I promise it won't happen again. I also promise that I won't go back on my bullshit. I also promise to be patient whenever stuff like this happens.

...and yes, I'm aware the constant "big hands", "big feet", and "barefoot character" things, even if they're SFW, are still fetishes, but this time I'll ask for consent before drawing other characters like this or if I ever get unbanned from Art Fight, have mature filters on the characters/have permissions that ask for consent before having my characters drawn (or just ask for consent before having my characters drawn in general). Considering I'm overhauling my characters to (mostly) not have those, I'll still have those due to their history.

I don't know how else to end it, so... yeah. Now to change my caffeine habit so I actually feel like drawing stuff again.

Extra thing made afterwards: honestly, I just want my account back so I can delete it and make a new one so I can distance myself from my other crap

Too bad there's no way to have others' attacks deleted

this still feels unfair... still, banned over a one-off off-site drawing that has nothing to do with Art Fight? yeah, I still don't like this

...also, as said, I'm really sorry about my attitude when talking... and well, posting stuff. If all I ever do is vent about vague problems and be able to do anything about them (sensory abuse via annoyance "patterns", mostly involving people saying/doing the same exact thing on the internet), then maybe I should just shut up and take a backseat to everything (including just not taking part in anything else if I'm not going to enjoy it, even retroactively due to ADHD and the medicine I use)